“ Around the time I was twelve, my sister had really hot friends staying over. I would dress in ninja gear and wriggle ‘saving private ryan beach commando style’ into her bedroom and listen to their conversations. Some were educational, most were inane. A few months ago, I was standing in a cd store and a girl came up to me and said “Are you David?” to which I replied “It depends” (and immediately regretted as I knew that if she asked me ‘depends on what’, I had nothing). The fear must have shown because she asked “Depends on what?” and I replied like a retard “On wether it is on or off the record, I have been misquoted by you people before.” and she looked at me as if I was a retard before telling me that she had been a friend of my sisters and remembered me and then actually asked “Are you still annoying?” so I asked her if she still “squeezed her nipples while thinking about kissing Michael Wilson”. After a pretty long pause I asked her out but she said no.
June 17, 2009
March 12, 2009
November 16, 2008
“ When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized God doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.
November 13, 2008
I guess its time.
Don’t give them any money sean! We won’t negotiate with kidnappers! You make sure you get those pictures of the pictures tied to a chair before you make any deals.
It really does sound like a ransom note. “Nothing has been deleted, and if you upgrade, they’ll all come back unharmed.”? I mean come on…
12 months ago • 1 note
September 24, 2008
“ Do you want to be a fucking embarrassing failure who works in a cubicle until mercifully claimed by his own laziness, impotence, and ignorance? Get it the fuck together, you piece of shit! You wanna wake up in your 30s with nothing done, still being an ugly fuck with no means, body of work, or real reason to continue wasting everyone’s air? Are you gonna get lazier and lazier until you’re just a set of spare tires waiting to settle for whatever dumb girl will have you, even if she uses the term “alternative” to refer to any music that isn’t on the radio? You shoulda been writing a script, practicing to make the next “Born To Run,” or animating a cartoon. Instead, you decided to insult your precious time on this earth by wasting it on fucking tumblr/gawker/facebook, you grotesque waste of a human being. You wanna spend the rest of your life under a blanket, twittering to your eight imaginary friends about how you should’ve blown your brains out when it would’ve at least felt dramatic instead of inevitable? Your family, your friends, and the people you read every day are not the standard. The talents and the modicum of privelage you’ve been born with are the standard. Springsteen was making “Asbury Park” when he was your age so why the fuck are you filtering through cat pictures, deliberateley inane snark, and nonsociety reblogs instead of doing something real? Fucking make some thing now, or fucking kill yourself; you’ve wasted too much of the earth’s resources already.
My new firefox homepage, I wrote this rant to humiliate myself into getting shit done when I feel like being worthless on the internet instead. (via raptoravatar)
The pernicious and self-defeating part of this rant (a good rant, by the way) is that it’s on tumblr, and if/when it gets read/reblogged, it’s only proving its own point. Isn’t it?
(via bmichael)
Repeat after me: be an independant thinker. Be unique and creative…
(via shorterexcerpts) That was a moment of clarity. I am going to do something REAL God Damnit. (via seanmobrien)
The world needs ditch diggers too dude.
1 year ago • 13 notes
I totally agree with Brian. Please refer to my Oct 27th 2007 post for proof that it is possibly the greatest punctuation known to man.
The interrobang will fuck you up.1 year ago • 2 notes
September 7, 2008
So I emailed this video to my dad who was a commercial director for many years and this is his response:
I enjoyed the video a lot - there are definitely elements of truth throughout, but…
it was never THAT bad.
More than not, my groups loved what I did.
Asskissing? definitely
Bullshit? totally
People trying to get laid (or fucking some incompetant on the team) ? absolutely
BUT….
…the director of that little film saw it as a way to get “inside” the agencies with something “daring and controversial” but “edgy and hilarious”. I’d suggest that his career tanked within a few months of screening the project.
No one likes to see themselves in a negative light - and that film was extremely belittling.
If he had spent the same amount of time, money and effort showing an exciting and uplifiting version of the same story (but NOT superficial or cliche) - he’d have worked for two years steadily.
Agency personnel WANT to see anything that is fun, original, (better) highly-original and excellent in execution.
The project you sent was well shot and (sort of) reasonably well acted.
Minimal direction - zero editorial skills.
The message was demeaning.
That’s the way I see it.
If you made it, I’d say never show it to anyone in advertising.
I’d be interested in knowing how the director of the project actually made out.
It’s eight years old, so it shouldn’t be too hard to find out.
Did he go on to major success?
More likely… “You want to work with Joe Blow??? Are you fuckin’ nutz???”
Hm, interesting response pops.
1 year ago • 4 notesI want to see this made into series.The truth in Advertising
After working in a web agency for 6 years this is extremely funny to me, and so familiar it’s scary. Now for those of you that are still at your desks please do not get offended it is only comedy ;)
August 26, 2008
Laid Off
Unemployment my good man!
1 year ago • 2 notesNow that Greatest American Dog is wrapping the last episode, the office is empty. There are currently no shows in production, and the staff is as barebones as it can possibly be to facilitate development of new programming. There are leftover doughnuts every Friday, and the company liquor cabinet can go an afternoon witout being replenished. It’s a ghost town.
Due to my vast array of knowlege in the post department, I was safe for a long time. Unfortunately, they can no longer afford me after this Friday.
It might be a good thing. I was stagnating in this room, and getting too comfortable working a 9-7 shift. I’ve been meaning to get back into freelance, and now I can, without ever “quitting” Actual Reality. They promised me gigs as an Assistant Editor, and I look forward to taking them up on that.
In the meantime, I’m excited to see if the “social-networking safety net” applies to people in the film/television industry, or if it’s total bullshit. I’m not living paycheck to paycheck by any means, but I do need to make money. AIM: lifeofbk
August 20, 2008
The three Hollywood stars (Depp, Law and Farrell) who completed Heath Ledger's final film role have donated their pay to his two-year-old daughter, Matilda.
So we’re proud cause they donated money to an already rich girl? How about an anti-depression/suicide organization instead…
1 year ago • 18 notesThis just made me tear up. No joke.That is so awesome it is beyond words. The fact that these morals exist in hollywood is great in itself.
So cool. Good guys.
Bravo
August 11, 2008
psh, survivorman is a pussy compared to bear grylls brooke. he was a british special ops and he climbed the K2. Did that canadian hippy ever do that? nope! he just hugged trees.
Bear Grylls ftw!!
1 year ago • 1 notei can’t stand the “man vs. wild” guy, over exaggerating every friggin’ thing he does!….he’s always eating live/living things and practically crying like a little bitch…..YOU CAN MAKE A FIRE AND COOK THAT, YA KNOW!…maybe it’s just that, he doesn’t even know how to make a fire…..
SURVIVORMAN FTW!
